I know a ton…and you can weigh it

Pop quiz: What is a ton?

If you said it is a number that expresses a quantity, go to the stool in the corner and put on the dunce cap. If you answered that it is a unit of weight or volume, congratulations, you may go clap the erasers.

One of my pet peeves is the rampant misuse of the word “ton”. It is commonly employed as an adjective describing a unit of quantity:

“There were tons of people at the ball game.” So exactly how many people is a ton?

“The networking group gave me a ton of ideas.” How many ideas did you get?

“I miss my wife a ton.” You better be sure people understand you miss your wife a lot, not that you preferred her when she was the size of a whale.

“It hurt a ton.” I don’t understand. It hurt how much?

Sorry folks, ton is NOT a quantity. Ton is a noun that describes a unit of weight and a unit of volume. From Dictionary.com:

ton – noun

1. a unit of weight, equivalent to 2000 pounds (0.907 metric ton) avoirdupois (short ton) in the U.S. and 2240 pounds (1.016 metric tons) avoirdupois (long ton) in Great Britain.

2. Also called freight ton. a unit of volume for freight that weighs one ton, varying with the type of freight measured, as 40 cubic feet of oak timber or 20 bushels of wheat.

3. metric ton.

4. displacement ton.

5. a unit of volume used in transportation by sea, commonly equal to 40 cubic feet (1.13 cu. m) (shipping ton or measurement ton).

We do see the word ton used correctly at bridge crossings and in elevators or lifts informing us how much weight these structures can support. In truth, though, most of us never have a use for the word.

Unless you work in the fashion industry:

ton – noun

1. high fashion; stylishness.

2. the current fashion, style, or vogue.

Wait, it’s not just a unit of weight or volume? That news to me. I’m having difficulty envisioning how to elegantly inject the word into a fashion statement. So I won’t (where’s that dunce cap).

Somehow, I doubt ton is ever uttered by teens when discussing wardrobes, except perhaps in a disparaging manner:

“Her dresses make her look like she weighs a ton.” 

Well there you go: this example is a proper use of ton albeit in a highly improper way.

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